


Normal people (don't look at me like that)

by revoleotion



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Description of chronic pain but nothing graphic, Traveling, discussion of mental and physical health, drama and fluff, other characters may be mentioned but aren't important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-22 20:51:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: A trip to another country doesn't seem special to many people his age but Misono isn't just anyone. That's why he keeps this idea a secret - until he actually has to confront his father (and Lily).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm proud of this but I'd like to warn you that this essentially is a huge vent text. I talk about chronic and mental illnesses, and while I never specify on anything, please be careful when reading! Servamp isn't exactly lighthearted but I feel like those things are overlooked in most media. Hence, this text.  
In case this didn't scare you away: Have fun reading!

There was a long list of things Misono had labeled "normal people stuff". It was hidden between the pages of whatever book he obsessed with at the moment, and he had made an effort to write as messy as humanly possible. There were a couple of dozen bullet points on the list but so far he had only checked five of them. While he had never expected to cross _ any _ of those points, he still had to hide the disappointment whenever he had to put a new thing onto the list. 

The summer of 2018 should finally switch the balance between things unchecked and things he had done. 

It started with an email. 

Misono hadn't expected the organisation to choose him (after all, he had applied for a scholarship even though he came from the richest family in town), so he was shocked when he opened the letter and found an approval. He didn't have a plan to explain it to his father, heck, he didn't even have a plan how to explain it to _ Lily _ and Lily was the man he loved more than anyone. 

He looked down on the letter again. A trip to Taiwan wasn't a huge thing for someone in Japan. To someone his age, a trip like this was a regular language study camp; something European students did in England. 

But Misono wasn't anyone. That's why the trip was on the list. He hadn't left the country once in his life. He wasn't normal, at least not in ways that mattered to him. 

"Walk home on your own", "earn your own money" and "cook something" were on the list for a reason. 

To Misono, it was hard to deal with his frustration. He had ignored it as a child, he had gotten furious over it as a teen but now, as an adult, everything had a dull touch to it. As a child, he had been special. As an adult, he was a burden. 

Lily knew about his thoughts, at least about some of them. It was the price that came with crying on his 18th birthday. That disaster had happened a week ago. Now, Misono felt hopeless again and not angry enough to cry. 

"How's the mail?" Lily asked. He had taken a few steps away from Misono, so he wouldn't accidentally read any of the letters. Misono appreciated it but now he wished Lily had been more curious. 

"Great, take a look," Misono heard himself saying. He didn't look up into the face of the vampire because there were some things his eyes gave away when his lips didn't. He didn't look at Lily when he took the letters, he didn't look at him when he read the words printed on it and he didn't look at him when Lily carefully called his name. 

"Sorry," Misono told him even though he didn't feel like it. Turning 18 had changed something in the way he looked at apologies. As a kid, pride had clogged his throat but now he felt comfortable saying the word "sorry". It still had a hint of dishonesty when he said it but he got it out of his system. An apology in the open, floating in the air, was better than one taken to his grave. Sadly, Lily knew him too well. The Servamp smiled at Misono whenever he apologized, and Misono wasn't sure if the vampire was proud of him or sad because Misono hadn't learnt to apologize honestly. 

"Why are you sorry? This is great!" 

Confused by the happiness in Lily's voice, Misono looked up to him. Lily's face was close enough to him so he could see the sparkle in his red eyes. 

"I didn't ask you," Misono protested. For a moment, he wondered when they had switched roles - when did Lily start to like his dangerous ideas and when did he start hating them? 

"And I mentioned you as my caretaker without your consent," Misono added when his Servamp stayed silent. 

"But I am your caretaker," Lily said. 

"Still! I shouldn't go, you bastard!" 

"Do you _ want _ to go?" 

His voice was so soft that Misono almost choked on tears. He bit his lip, looked away again and allowed himself to nod. He felt Lily's smile on him, a careful and gentle one, but it made him feel even worse. 

"Why are you supporting this? Shouldn't you be the one who stops me from doing stupid things?" 

Guilt crossed Lily's face; he shook his head and pointed at the letter. 

"I don't think it's stupid," he said. "I'll be there. It's not too far. You can come home anytime." 

"What if I get sick? What if… What if I get tired in the middle of town and you can't do anything because it's in the middle of the day? I'm safer in Japan, I shouldn't leave." 

"But you want-"

"DON'T MAKE ME HOPE FOR ANYTHING I CAN'T DO, LILY!" 

Misono didn't want to yell it and when he said it, he could feel the pain in his chest mirrored in Lily's eyes. The vampire's expression was painfully neutral but he couldn't mask the fear in his eyes. Lily lived in constant fear of being pushed away. Misono lived in constant fear of doing this to him. 

"You're my Eve, Misono," Lily finally said after a couple of minutes, "I'm sure that I can protect you."

Misono wondered if he wanted to need this protection. What he really wanted, was being normal. Not being the sick kid. Not being the loud, antisocial kid. But he accepted this as a part of him, because he couldn't pretend to be somebody else for long. 

"You need to tell my father," Misono demanded. "And you need to help me pack. They don't pay for my plane tickets, so we have to order them too." 

He waited for a reaction but Lily kept his emotions to himself. The smile he gave Misono gave away nothing about what he was thinking, it was always like this. When the Servamp left the room, Misono allowed himself to feel excitement. He had to keep it small because there was a chance that he wouldn't be able to go. 

After all, people like Misono didn't go to Taiwan spontaneously. People like Misono stayed hidden in the safety of their garden and read books about all the things they didn't dare to do. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-ho! This chapter has some nerdy Chinese knowledge because I couldn't keep it to myself. I didn't mean to create an OC for this because I dislike OC-stories as much as the next guy but I put myself into this. Sort of. I hope you all forgive me.  
[another update: I started crying mid-writing because I miss Taiwan so much. I had to rush through this because I wanted to finish but I can't guarantee that it's good. I'm sorry.]

On the 3rd of August, Misono entered a plane that would take Lily and him to Taiwan. The last week's of preparing the trip had been the worst and best days of his life. Lily had asked his siblings to take care of the children but Misono hadn't read the answers. Since Lily sat down next to him, it must've worked out. They shared a suitcase but Misono had a small backpack with his laptop, his phone, adapters and three books he wanted to read during the flight. He underestimated the time he could spend reading because he had to comfort Lily who did not enjoy the plane at all. 

In the end, Misono read three pages of Good Omens until the pilot prepared them for the landing. Once the plane had stopped, Lily had turned Misono's hand into a tiny stress ball. He massaged his fingertips while they waited for the other passengers to leave. Misono didn't like crowded places, so he was thankful for the huge airport that swallowed the masses.

Lily picked the suitcase up with no effort and started dragging it outside. There had been other students on the plane but Misono avoided looking at them.  
Public school students always seemed to smell that he was different. Rich. Awkward.  
But when they waited for the Tamkang University of Taipei to send a taxi, Misono spotted a western person holding a huge, pink suitcase and sipping Bubble Tea. Of course, Misono knew what that was. He just hadn't tried it. Ever. It was on the list somewhere.

Before he could turn to Lily and ask him to mind his own business, the vampire already smiled and walked away a few steps. They had to keep up the bond so Lily could walk in the sunlight - this would be exhausting for both of them so Misono mentally prepared himself for many breaks. He took a deep breath and walked over to the stranger.

"Hi," he said in English, just to be safe.

"Your hair looks cool," the stranger said. They had bleached hair that grew all over the place but for some reason, Misono liked it. It reminded him of Lily, a human but not less melancholic Lily.

"I like yours too," he said quietly.  
Misono mentally crossed "telling a stranger their hair looks great" off his list and smiled when the person offered him a sip of their drink.

"Are you going to poison me?" he asked.

"Oh, no, dear God, no! I'm so sorry, I'm not contagious, I promise."

"Maybe I am," Misono joked but it wasn't a joke.

"Are you?" they asked.

"No, I just can't walk sometimes. And I get sick all the time."

The person laughed quietly but it didn't feel like they made fun of Misono.

"Tell me about it. I wasn't even supposed to come because it's a long way from Germany… But I wanted to live a little, so that was worth it. The Bubble Tea is a perk as well."

For some reason, Misono felt impressed by the fact that they had traveled all the way from Germany, just for the Bubble Tea. And the language classes, but it didn't seem like a priority for anyone here. The stranger entered the bus with Misono and sat down next to him. He made sure Lily sat down behind them and turned to him to give him a "I'm fine"-smile. When he turned back to the stranger, he suddenly remembered that he hadn't asked for a name yet.

"I'm Misono," he introduced himself. "I'm from Japan and uh, I'm here with Lily. He's my uh."

Misono stopped and blushed. Outside his safe garden, things didn't make sense. He felt lost.

"I'm Connor. They/them pronouns please," the stranger said without skipping a beat. Misono was impressed by their ability to ignore the rambling. The pronouns weren't new to him either; Lily went by those too sometimes.

"Where are you from?" he asked.

"Germany! I don't know Japanese, sorry. English will do… I hope. 我的汉语也很好- I'm lying, it's just okay."

Misono had managed to forget any Chinese he had learnt in his life but their pronunciation was good enough for him to understand the "My Chinese is also pretty good".

"我中文说得不太好," Misono answered.

"I thought you use 中文 for the written language and 汉语 for the spoken language?" Connor asked, causing Misono to blush even more. It wasn't nice to be corrected, and it was worse to be corrected by a pretty person. For a few minutes, nobody said anything but he felt Lily staring at him to figure out if he was alright.

"That's why I'm here, I suppose," Misono muttered, cheeks still flushed with embarrassment. To be fair, nobody had told him the difference between the two words. 汉, pronounced "han" stood for the most common ethnicity in China; 语, pronounced like a German "ü" (not "ju", like any American ever assumed), meant "language". 中 ("zhong") came from the first syllable of the word for China; 文 ("wen") meant text. So, in some way it made sense.

"Did I embarrass you?" Connor asked.Misono noticed that their face didn't turn red but pale with embarrassment. At least he guessed that they were embarrassed. "Oh God, you must feel terrible, I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's fine. Usually I'm the rude one."

He heard an agreeing hum from Lily and turned around to smack him. Connor chuckled awkwardly and focused on their phone. Misono wondered if he had ruined things, this early on the trip, but after a while the person looked up again and smiled.

"I have an idea. Once we find another Bubble Tea place, we should try all the flavors. I mean, chances are that I will find one favorite and won't order anything else ever again but…" They shrugged.

"That's how my brain works too," Misono admitted.

The relief on Connor's face made him happy. It was almost like he didn't have to translate his thoughts before saying them out loud. He didn't have to do that for Lily either but he hadn't met anyone else who was like this.

When they arrived at the university and got into their rooms, Misono was glad as he realized he and Lily lived alone. He wasn't comfortable with sharing, but he would've made an exception for Connor. Probably. He was glad that he didn't have to think about it.

The air was humid enough for him to breathe properly, and when they left the dorm at 6pm to get dinner, Lily could walk around as a human with no issues. The darkness was thick and intense, so once they had finished dinner Misono felt tired already. He didn't want to tell anyone, especially not his new friend. He forced himself to go out with Connor and Lily, which turned out to be an amazing idea because they found a bubble tea shop right next to university.

Connor's prediction turned out to be true. Them and Misono picked the classic tapioca tea, chose the "less sugar" and "no ice" option and decided that this was the best choice. Lily made an effort to read the entire menu with his limited Chinese skills and ordered a maracuja flavored tea with jelly.  
Connor jumped up and down when realizing that the tea was better with no ice to water down the milk tea; Misono watched them and even though he never did this, the reaction felt familiar.

"Sorry," Connor said when they calmed down again. They hesitated to take a sip of the tea, just like they were waiting for Misono to say something.

"For what?" he asked.

"For being annoying?"

"I don't believe that being excited can be annoying," Lily said with the soft voice he usually used for Misono. The German student looked up to the vampire, frowned and continued with their tea. Misono smiled towards Lily and leaned against him.

"This is great. I mean, Japan has those shops too but my father wouldn't let me get the tea."

"Oof, mood."

"Excuse me?"

Was that German? It had an English touch to it. Lily seemed confused as well.

"Oh," Connor said, "Sorry. I mean. My family did that too. I think they regret sending me here."

"The trip is a failure if they don't," Misono decided and almost choked on his next bubble.

They lived by that, starting the next day. They got their breakfast in the morning, then went to class. After a lunch break, they had class again and in the evening they snuck out to get tea and snacks. Lily ordered his way down the menu, Misono and Connor stuck to their favorites. On Fridays, they visited museums and parks with the group of students, on the weekend they went shopping on their own. Because Connor was obsessed with the 101 tower, Misono and Lily joined them.

The world looked manageable from up there.

Everything was well. Until the second week started and Misono couldn't get up.

He said a curse word in Japanese that his father would kill him for, and for the dramatic effect he said it again. He wanted to hit someone but since his body didn't respond to any of his wishes, he just cursed again and turned around to Lily. The Servamp hadn't stopped the habit of sleeping next to him as a butterfly. When he heard Misono, he flew down to the ground and turned back into a human. The curtains were closed but Misono could see that Lily had to force himself to stay in this appearance.

"Shit," Misono said because cursing was the only outlet he had.

"Is there anything I can do? Look at me." By now, Lily skipped the "are you okay?" and the hysteria. Days like this had happened before and they'd come again.

"I want to stay in bed," Misono decided. They had an agreement: Misono would state how bad it was and then Lily would react to it. The idea was that Misono had to do as little as possible.

He turned around in bed and pulled the blanket over his head. He felt a slight stinging on his fingertip when Lily took his blood to activate their bond and he felt Lily staring at him for a few more seconds than necessary, but he didn't say anything about it. He hated everything, he hated this day and he hated that he had been stupid enough to come here. He hated that he pushed the weight of explaining everything on Lily. He hated being himself so much that he felt his stomach burning with shame and pain.

Misono walked down to breakfast at nine, praying that he wouldn't faint on the steps. Lily walked next to him, side eying him but not offering a hand yet. Misono didn't have tears or words for his anger but the frustration suddenly vanished when he found a tired looking Connor on the stairs. They held up their half eaten toast like a weapon and chuckled when they recognized him.

"Bad day?" they asked. Misono looked up to Lily and nodded.

"Same," Connor muttered and grinned as they noticed the slang. Misono had noticed that they didn't like using slang but did it every couple of sentences. Misono sat down next to them and realized once again how unfair it was to be small. Connor wasn't tall but they had to look down on him, even when sitting.

"I reserved you a good sandwich when they said you didn't have breakfast yet," Connor said with a raspy tone to their voice that scared Misono. He knew what happened when he sounded like that.

"Please don't cry," he blurred out.

"I'm trying really hard," Connor admitted, voice breaking. "It's just, it was a mistake to come. We did what, a week? And I'm already…"

Misono felt the urge to look away as they teared up. They mumbled something in German and wiped their blue eyes. Usually, Lily would solve this issue but Lily had spontaneously vanished from existence.  
Misono took a deep breath and cleared his throat. He could do this. It was easy, right? Being nice couldn't be that hard.

"I guess it's better than not going at all, right?" Misono asked awkwardly. He felt the unusual taste of his words on his tongue, burning away his confidence. He couldn't remember becoming friends with Mahiru, it had happened somewhere, right during that time when Misono had realized that he might like boys in a way Lily flirted with women. (But it turned out that Lily didn't like anyone, which was fine to Misono because that way he didn't have to share Lily's love with anyone.)

He couldn't remember forming any of the friendships he had in his life. He remembered losing friends because he "never wanted to go out" but he didn't remember making them. It felt like a step into the darkness every time.

"You saw that tower you obsess with," he added.

"The one-o-one," Connor corrected him. A sparkle appeared in their eyes that either meant more tears or excitement. "Did you know I went there when I was seven? It was the highest tower in the world back then."

Misono made a vague noise to show them that they could go on. He didn't know how he had done it but Connor seemed happier as they infodumped facts on him. Misono listened to them and watched the tears drying and their shoulders straightening.

When Lily appeared again and gave Misono his breakfast, Connor explained the plot of the book they had started last evening. It was heavily influenced by their mermaid-phase, they said, and Misono could faintly remember said phase in his life.

They finished the sandwiches in silence and went out to sit down next to the statue in front of the dorm. Students and teachers passed them and looked at them with pity. When Misono looked at Lily, he saw worry and that deep love that came from years of being together. When he looked at Connor, he saw the same emotions he was feeling.

He made a mental note to cross a couple points off the list, once he was alone. No matter how much he liked his new friend, the list was a secret.

"I'm glad I met them," Misono told Lily later. "Normal people don't look at me like that."


End file.
